2011!!!

Where do I begin?  2011 you came in a lot better and a lot less violent than 2010.  We started off on the wrong foot but I thought the world of you, you had so much promise and so much appeal!

Do you remember our first month together and that night when I had too much to drink and got behind the wheel?  I barely remember it and damn it was stupid.  Thank God we did hurt ourselves or someone else.

Or how about Febuary?  You know where we once again spent Valentine's day at a bar hitting on random women?

And there is no way you could forget about my Birthday in March!  We brought in my last year of my 20's together.  Of course I had to hit on a bartender...

How about that old saying "April Showers Bring May Flowers?"  You're so damn sneaky 2011!  You could see my stress level rising in April.  It was like the calm before the storm, we both saw it coming.

May, we closed a business together and put a lot of people out of work.  We shed a lot of tears...

Then we went a little nuts together!  Drinks, drinks, and drinks in June and July!  I mean we didn't give a damn!  You're so crazy 2011!

During all the summer heat remember when we were rebounding and were walking miles to work together because of that DUI night in January!  You sure helped keep the pounds off, you must like me thin 2011!

Know way we can forget showing up to work with a severe hangover in October!  I mean let's be honest with ourselves 2011.  You and I both know and can admit that even though we were there, we had no business showing up like a shit show to work.

November and December?!  This is where we look in the mirror and do a lot of soul searching.

So this being our last day together I just want to say to you 2011 that you have been the best year of my life and I thank you and love you for it!  You think I'm kidding?  Let me explain,  yes you put me through enough stress to kill some people and handed me by far my worst financial year ever and again I thank you for it!

I take the blame for that DUI and learned to never do it again.  It also made me move and my roommate is one the greastest people I have ever met and never would've known that without that DUI.  I have been on the mat many times in my life 2011 and you were the first that ever made me question if I could get back up.  But guess what?!  My family and friends picked me up, when I doubted myself they didn't.  You brought me closer to my family than I have ever been.  Finally, late this year you introduced me to Jesus and I proudly say I am Christian now.  And I want to make it clear I'm not perfect and never will be but I am a better person.

So there it is, every good thing has to come to an end but I will never forget you 2011!

Children's Story

Once upon a time there was a man named Jamie.  Jamie lived with his dear friend Aleah.  Jamie was always fond of dogs but Aleah absolutley loved them.  She had a female dog named Emma and a smaller male dog named Sammy Pickles.  They all lived in a house together.  One day Aleah came home with a new puppy and named her UNO!

Uno was a very pretty dog but she used to be owned by some bad people (maybe football players). These people taught Uno to not play nice with other dogs.

One dark rainy day Jamie tried to get Emma and Sammy Pickles to go into another room so that Uno could come out and get some exercise.  Sammy Pickles was tired and decided he didn't want to leave the couch so he tried to bite Jamie on his hand.  Thankfully Sammy Pickles missed and Jamie didn't have to prove that all dogs do go to heaven. 

Jamie came up with a new plan he would just put Uno of her leash and walk her out of the house so she could play with her toys in the yard.  Jamie sprang into action!  He was home alone so the only thing Jamie was wearing were pajama pants.  No shirt, no socks, no shoes, not even underoos!  Jamie put pretty Uno on her leash and the two of them started making  their way through their home when Sammy Pickles made his second mistake of the day! Sammy Pickles decided he wanted to argue with Uno.  This was a bad idea!  Jamie knew that Uno was a very good at arguing and Jamie also knew if Aleah came home to two dogs instead of three that he would be homeless.

Jamie made another great decision and got Uno out the house as soon as possible.  Since Jamie was in a panic he closed the door behind him and soon realized that he locked him self out!  Jamie's keys and phone were on the coffee table.  This made Jamie sad!  He was outside in November almost completely naked with a puppy that doesn't play nice with other puppies.  But wait, there was one positive!  If Jamie or Uno needed water they were sure to have plenty since there were so many rain clouds in the sky! 

Jamie had another decision to make?!  He could walk to a phone but was worried that Mr. Police Offer may have a problem with his clothing (or lack of).  He also knew that if Aleah came home and unknowingly opened the door that Sammy Pickles was going to have a very bad if Uno got to her first.  Jamie decided he would stay in the yard and play with Uno.  While throwing the ball Jamie felt something on his foot!  He looked down and he was standing where Uno went to the bathroom the day before!  But there were no worries because it was raining hard enough to wash it off!

After 3.5 hours of playing with Uno Aleah was home and Jamie could go back inside!  When Aleah asked Jamie if he had any visitors he replied I sure did and her name was Karma!

The End

Pass the stuffing!

Sooo, tomorrow we get fat and give thanks!  Well, I might as well give thanks a day in advance...

Thanks to the Charlotte Observer!  My blog isn't that bad compared to your shitty articles.

Thanks to you Mr. President(s)!  It is because of you Mr. Clinton, Bush, and Obama that my debt isn't bad at all compared to the U.S.!  Don't believe me?  Ask Standard and Poors.

Thanks to you NBA!  I live in North Carolina and we don't really give a shit about you anyway.  College basketball is all that matters here!

Thanks to all those old women on that sorry ass show The View!  Tomorrow when I think I can't eat one more piece of pie I will think of you and force it down.

Thanks to some not all of the Penn State students for rioting!  You showed the rest us what a real gaggle of idiots look like!  Morons...

No thanks to the U.S. Justice system!  Why the hell is this perv Sandusky not dead or in jail?  Yeah, I know I'm beating a dead horse but seriously?!

Thanks to you turkeys!  You aren't even close to being as tasty as a chicken but you still get slaughtered this time of year so us men can fight over one of your legs!

Thanks to you 104.7 for starting your X-Mas music so early!  I mean I want to hear this shit all year, can you please play it on the 4th too?!

Thanks to P.E.T.A.!  I guess you weirdos just chalk Thanksgiving up as a loss every year.

Thanks to you pilgrims!  How do you get a holiday for killing the people who saved your arse?!  Oh yeah, you're European and killed people of color, that never happens.  Yeah, I said it!

Thanks to you Wal-Mart!  If I am feeling real poor I cheat on Target and come see you!

Thanks to you Bartender!  You make everybody more interesting and attractive...especially me!

Thanks to you China!  I love your food...that's all.


Seriously, thanks to all my friends and family for dealing w me and everything that comes along with that job!  I love you all and I truly am thankful!

How's the water?

I gave my blog/journal/craziness a break on purpose.  For those of you looking for something real random or a pissed off rant sorry I do not have anything for you today but we do need to catch up on a few things so let's go!

I spent a few months this year feel real sorry for myself.  I felt like I had really bad luck and I placed a lot of blame for how my life was and is on other people and situations.  I finally hit rock bottom and when I finally opened my eyes I realized that I am the luckiest person in the world.  Let me explain...

There are some events in life that I will never forget and watching my grandmothers face at my moms funeral is one of them.  I have never wrote about my mother or what happened to her and my stepfather but I have nothing left to hide.  Six years later and I still cry on a monthly basis when I am alone.  Some of my friends have never seen me upset then it happened.

A few months ago the day after I closed my restaurant I broke down and starting crying at a bar in the middle of the afternoon in front of about 10 of my friends.  I think everything finally came to a head and I lost it.  Of course I thought about money but that wasn't what upset me.  I had just put 10 people out of work some of those people are my friends who were there for me and watched me grow up.  I thought what if my mother was alive and saw me as a failure?  I thought how can my friends look at me the same?  I thought how can I face my family and all the people who believed in me?  Then a month or so ago I finally realized how damn lucky I was to be at that table crying.

When I walked away my frineds didn't laugh or make jokes they were concerned about me.  I should have wiped those tears away and took a look around.  I am lucky to have that many friends that care about me.  I am lucky to have had a mother and stepfather that loved me.  I am lucky to have loved people that much.  I am lucky to have a father, stepmother, brothers and sisters and the rest of my family and friends in my corner.  I am lucky to have owned a restaurant at 28.

So here is the verdict.  I am happier right now than I have ever been.  I still like money but I don't love it anymore.  I don't need to be flashly, I don't need a lot of women anymore.  I need to work on being a better son, brother, uncle, godfather, and friend.  I am not mad at anyone or anything anymore.  I wish everyone the best and I hope they are doing what really makes them happy.  With all that being said I do have to get one thing straight.

There are people who have doubted me in the past and that still doubt me.  When people didn't think I could work 50 hrs a week and get my degree I did it.  When I said I would own a restaurant I did it.  When I say I will be back I am doing it!  When I work out I think about you, when I am up at night I think about you, when I am tired at work I think about you.  So thank you very much, you are the fuel in my fire!!

So how is the water?  It is cold and I do go off the deep end a few months ago but I am pretty good swimmer!  Cheers I love you all!!

Top Ten!!

REASONS TO MANSCAPE

1. Very Simple...Hygeine
2. The 80's are long gone!  Even the "hair bands" are going bald.
3. You might be able to talk her into it on a day other than your birthday.
4. Do you like wool socks?  She doesn't either!
5. Buying new razors gives you another reason to go to the pharmacy.
6. Less chance of a zipper error.
7. You can justify that bottle of lotion that you use "for your skin."
8. Proves that you are smarter than a fifth grader.
9. Less friciton and more diction!
10. And finally...IT LOOKS BIGGER!

Been There and Done all That

A lot of my close friends are waiting for me to write some more crazy shit!  Not going to happen today but there are a few things I can blog about. 

As I have gotten older I have realized that I think differently than most, the only thing that bothers me is that I can't figure out why?!  I compare my thoughts to people looking through a glass.  They are distorted, blury and don't "look" normal at all.  I wish I could forgot things and not always think and process everything.  When I have conversations I am always looking the room over and trying to get information that I don't really need.  I do this shit in bars and restaurants so much that it is getting ridiculous.  I claim to be very intelligent but why did I realize what I want to do in life at 28 instead of 21?  Then again I learned a ton and made some friends on the way so maybe it was the right path.

I'm starting to ramble like I always do.  On another note I am feeling good lately.  I'm coming to gribs with my crazy ass brain and thoughts.  I have been thinking that I need to but a lot of things and people behind me.  I guess you have to let people go that you have cared about.  Hell, some people think I am a complete asshole and that I have a drinking problem and that I am heartless.  Well I can be the biggest asshole you ever want to meet and when i drink it is usually a problem and my heart is huge but I don't share it with many people.  While I am at it I am going to go ahead and throw myself under the bus.

I pride myself on being honest with my friends and for the most part in general.  So what I am about to write is probably a bad idea but fuck it.  I once had a girl ask me how many people have you slept with?  Normally I would say none of your damn business but this girl is different so I said "Don't ask me a question that you don't want to know the answer to."  That conversation ended quickly.  With that being said something happened again yesterday that pissed me off.  A guy that I know told a female that I know to stay away from me because I was bad news.  He is a damn pansy for saying that but I am going to end all this shit right now.  I have no clue how many women i have been with.  It is a lot and no it isn't cool and yes it has caused me problems.  Not physical or health problems (maybe a pulled muscle) if you're thiking that.  It has gave me a reputation that I don't want anymore.  If you are a female and you have a problem with that I understand, no biggie.

I am done for today, as always feel free to judge!  One last thing just to entertain.  If you go out in Southend you may want to ask me about any female you meet before you go there.  I probably know her middle name...

The Real Hard Rock

I enjoy being a nerd and I actually love learning random things about space and our universe.  So today I read that NASA discovered an asteroid two days ago that is going to pass within 8000 miles of Earth.  They said it is not going to hit us and that it is too small to do any damage anyway so don't freak out.  With that being said it made me think about a few things.

People pass away everyday and lots of people on this planet aren't going to see Monday.  I don't know if I am one of them but I damn sure hope not.  But something does scare the hell out of me about death.  It isn't the physical part or any pain that may come with it but the idea of having regrets before it happens.

What I am trying to say is I don't want to look back on my life without having accomplished a lot of things that are important to me.  I am not talking about some damn "bucket list" (even though that isn't a bad thing). 

I am talking about things like...

Letting the people who you care about know it

Not giving up on your dreams no matter what anyone else thinks

Not settling for someone who doesn't deserve you

If you do meet that someone let them no it and again to hell with what everyone else thinks

Trying to over come what keeps you up at night

Surrond yourself with the people and things that put a smile on your face.  And finally here is a quote that someone gave me and that I have shared before that kind of sums this up. 

"What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us, anything less than your best is to sacrifice the gift."

I will blog you right in the kisser!

I enjoy reading a few different blogs and ran across one yesterday that I found very interesting!  Not biting off anyone's material but it basically said women shouldn't put men before their friendship and if they do it usually bites them in the arse!

I will be damned but she hit the nail on the head.  So today I figured I would give my opinion on some relationship issues and shat!

Let's go ahead and get the BS out of the way and talk about cheating.  It happens all the time, it happened to me years ago and it is going to continue to happen.  So why the hell are a lot of people still so big on marriage?  I don't get it!  I have pushed people away and not let people get close to me emotionally and have been called an ass by a few women that I have dated.  You want to know why?  Because I knew that they were not the right person for me.  Not knocking them there are some great women in my past but there is no point in acting and getting too involved.  Of course there are exceptions to every rule and Dip Shit already knows.

Since I like to ramble on here and I don't proof read any damn thing I might as well go ahead and throw myself under the bus and then defend myself as usual!  Being single has been fun but it like everything else has it peaks and valleys.  Some people may think that I have slept around?  Well guess what unless you were there you don't know shit.  Innocent until proven guilty!  To hell with it lets go ahead and piss some people off!  You want to know why people usually cheat?!  If you aren't handling business in the bedroom they will go somewhere else.  As I have said in the past we all have off days but if you and your significant other aren't getting busy someone else is doing it for you.  Guys if your woman is into some kinky shit then you better decide if you can handle it asap!  Take that trip to the porn store and buy those pills if you have to.  If not that fucker on the commercial will be at your house throwing that damn football through your tire swing!  Now why did I  just get a little pissy?!  Because I have been called a slut lately and it is starting to irritate me!  Be honest, do women want some damn little altar boy in the bedroom?!  Hells no, I test drive anything before I buy it!  Practice makes perfect people so feel free to judge me.  But as always think of all the scandalous shit you have done first and then think of all the shit you have never told your significant other!

Have a great day and I am going to go look for a new car!  ha

Cheers!

I don't have too much to write about today so let's have some fun and write about more random shit!

I once stole a bartenders bottle opener then went into the bathroom and took a picture of it in my hand while holding my penis.  I then sent her the picture.

I may have peed in a fireplace?!

I keep an easy button on my night stand right beside my degree that has never been framed.

I enjoy being in the nude.

I'm kind of hoping butt implants blow up like boob implants did.

I prefer brunettes but seem to get stuck on blondes.

I love accents and tans.

The batteries in my easy button are dead.  haha

The white house really isn't shit anymore compared to some houses.

Could Obama paint it and call it a different color house?

Why do kids still take karate lessons?  People carry guns.

How the hell did people kiss before tooth paste?  Morning breathe sucks

I actually love vegetables.

If I don't remember your name I always introduce someone else to you so you will say it.

Colombus day is bullshit.

And if Christmas is a celebration of some dude named Jesus Christ being born then why do we go out and spend money that we don't have on presents?  Hypocrits

Why not throw Thanksgiving in here too.  We celebrate native americans teaching white people how to grow food and survive before they were slaughtered?!  Ain't that a bitch, now pass the gravy.

Lots of people get less time for killing people than they do for selling drugs.

I learned in a cultural geography class 10 years ago that 1 out of every 6 people that have ever lived are alive today.

And on that note you don't think we could cure AIDS and Cancer?  A man walked on the moon 42 years ago.  Oh yeah thats right the world is over populated!  Oh yeah, if I'm correct about 70% of AIDS cases are in Africa.  Think the US gives a damn?  We are living longer and poor Africans are starving and dying.

I wish there was a real Ron Burgendy (typo?)

The government would give me more money for knocking a girl up at 16 and dropping out of school.  But i get a degree and have to pay for that shit.  I almost bitch slapped a grown man at food lion for paying for food with his food stamp card and then spending more money on alcohol and paying cash for that.  some people are shit!

I do wish death on some people and no I won't regret it if they die.  i would rather have a parade.  You think i'm an ass for that?  How did you feel when Bin Laden died?  Lots of hypocrits on my TV.  He was still a man.

Bet you didn't like that comment.  Try this then...would you die for your beliefs?  Bin Laden did.  I hate his guts and would've liked to torture him but he might not be too much different from preachers/priests/etc.

Why would someone become a clown?

As always feel free to comment or tell me to go to hell!  Have a good day, love ya mean it!!

"Getting Naked"

Through out this blog I have taken shots at people, situations, places, religion, marriage, politics and many more other topics.  I titled this the truth hurts to shed light on some things that really go on, but today I am going to turn this on myself.  Let me start with explaining what "getting naked," means.

It is not what you think.  When I first started my former carrer (that sounds weird) every week we had a meeting.  In this meeting we put our numbers up in front of our coworkers and our superiors.  Numbers included, appointments, sales, etc.  We closed the door and were free to crotique each other and basically tell you if you sucked and if you were pulling your weight.  There were no hard feelings but you found out if you were actually doing anything to better yourself.  With that being said I am about to "get naked" on my life.

I looked up the definition of 3 words before writing this blog and I am going to go over all 3.

The first word is "womanizer."  Here is the first definition I found.  "A man who likes many women and has short sexual relationships with them."  Well doesn't this suck?!  I fit that criteria but I am not proud of it.  Was there a point in my life when I was younger that I was proud of it and bragged to friends, sure.  This has come back to bite me in my ass and I have earned a reputation in small circles that I can't dodge.  To be clear I do not approach every woman with this mentality and was and still ready to give that lifestyle up but that is a different topic.  I am putting myself on blast but I am also going to defend myself a little and say at least I am honest and I don't get into a relationship and cheat.  The worst part about this is the fact if I meet someone who I want to be with I am going to be honest but I do not know if they could accept it.

Next word and topic "alcoholism."  "Continued excessive or compulsive use of alcoholic drinks."  Damn, damn, damn!  I am now 2 for 2 on these subjects.  That definition doesn't have anything to do with the fact that of wether you can stop or not.  It just says continued or compulsive use.  Something else that I am not proud of and when I really think about it and be honest with myself most bad things that have happened in my life alcohol was involved.  Everything from fights, DUI, almost getting killed, hurting people feelings that you care about, sleeping with people that I shouldn't, injuring myself, and the list goes on and on.  Not even going to defend myself on this one, my mistakes and I will man up to them.

Final word I looked up was "love."  "An object of attachment, devotion, or admiration."  I would be a lot better if I was 1 for 3 instead of 3 for 3.  Now I am thinking do I love womanizing?  No, once again it was fun for a point of my life but I met someone that made me want to give it up.  Do I love alcohol or alcoholism?  No again.  I have had a lot of fun while drinking with friends but I have had more fun when sober and actually experiencing life sober.  Do I love my family, true friends, my ambition, my drive?  Hell yeah I do.

Haha, thinking if when I am physically naked I looked like this I would be an ugly bastard.  The numbers don't lie and I see what I have to do.  I am sharing this with you all so feel free to critique me just like my coworkers use to in those meetings.  My numbers of 3 for 3 this week suck but I will update you in the followings weeks to check progress.  It's on...

Perception isn't Reality

One of my friends has been telling me to really let go on this blog so after a few recent events I will give you a peak into what I really think.

I recently lost my ass and everything I have worked for.  It has been a bitch but I will bounce back once again.  But times like these are when you really find out who your friends are.  So here we go.

I swallowed my pride yesterday and asked someone that I have known most of my life for a job and their response "you need to do something besides take that shot."  You know what, fuck you.  I know I can go back to banking tomorrow and make decent money but I am not and will not!  I have worked my ass off and if someone wants to buy me a shot I am going to take and I don't give a damn about what you think.

Now you want to know what I really think about religion?  I think it is for the weak.  I can't stand it.  Don't come around me with your beliefs and ask me to pray or go to your church.  Shits not happening!  If that pisses you off think of how many times you have ask someone to pray or go to your church.  I might find that offensive but don't go off on your ass because "it's not politically correct."  I think religion was created to keep people from running around and going ape shit and also to help people sleep at night.

Since I got on that religion topic lets talk about death.  When I see the news and someone had died it doesn't bother me at all unless it is a child.  Most people who make the news had that shit coming.  And let me guess I'm the ass again for saying that?  Really do you give a fuck about the people starvivg in third world countries when you are drinking your five dollar coffee?  I have done more for charities and to help people than most of you and deep down inside is it because I really care?  Most of the time hell no, it is for perception and to make myself feel good.  Can you admit that?

Now lets get to the bar scene and women subject that I always bring up.  What I tell you is true.  There is more cheating and scandalous shit going on than you would believe.  And I'm not about to knock women right now because it is people in general.  Once again how many people do you know that have cheated?  And you sit there and smile at their significant other and don't say shit.  I'm guilty of it too.  But you know what else?  I have never cheated on anyone and never would.  I made a few huge mistakes with someone I cared about and no it wasn't even cheating but I regret it everyday.  No matter what I do I can't take it back and a lot of people formed a perception of me that really isn't me.  But once again the people who judge me or look down on me can kiss my naked white ass.  The person that was harmed by my actions knows me and how sorry I am.

Next subject, I claim to be smarted than most.  Guess what, I am not bullshitting.  Think of me what you will, call me cocky I don't give a damn.  Since I am getting a lot of shit out there I will tell you that I have met 3 people that I really believe are brilliant.  I will give them some love without putting their name is this crazy shit.  One use to be Ms. C and now she is Mrs. M, one shares the last name with a liquor that I drink all the time, and the other can hit the living piss out of a baseball.

Now that I am calming down a little the main reason that I tick, function, keep moving?  There are people who have invested a lot in me.  My family and friends pick me up when I'm down.  I have a mentor that is prob not to proud of me right now but he means a lot to me and gives me a kick in the ass when i need it.  hell i have a teacher from almost 20 years ago that i still talk to monthly and i can't face unless i make shit happen.

Finally to get my point across.  This blog really isn't that bad for what i tell my true friends.  You don't like it, please delete me from your phone, facebook and everything else.  I don't need people around me or fucking with me that can't take me for what I am.  I don't need the headaches and or drama.  Hopefully your perception of me is becoming a reality.

what the fuck?

yeah the title is right but i'm not.  we al bullshit and pussy foot but here is the question?

what do you want in life?

is it a person?

maybe an object?

maybe something material?

answer?

who the fuck knows besides you?

next answer?

what the fuck are you going to do about it?

My Roommates Rules!!

My roommate is a lovely woman and one of my best friends so I have her rules for when she goes out of town, they are awesome!!

She leaves a list of things to do for her muts/dogs but then on page 2 she leaves my list and I am going to share it with you word for word!

Rules:

1.  Do not bring hookers home

2.  Lock doors and don't let dogs out

3.  Don't cook anything drunk

4.  Don't forget to come home and take care of dogs

5.  Do not have sex in my bed or couch

6.  Don't forget to do anything on other sheet

7.  If you wash clothes, clean lent tray!

Thank you!  I love you (she use the girly heart symbol)!  Be safe!

Now in my defense I would never bring a hooker home, I would go to a motel/hotel depending on the price.  I wouldn't have sex in her bed because my bed is awesome!  These metal rails are the deuce!
I am also an expert at cooking while wasted.  I owned a restaurant until last week and I may have gone in there once or twice after leaving multiple bars.
I have only let a dog out once and no it wasn't Benji.  It was Emma and or Sammy and they got back in fine.
I do wash clothes a lot!  But she will tell you that I do most of the cleaning here and I never leave a mess!

I hope you enjoyed now it's time for me to run along get smashed and find that motel!

Random redneck thoughts!

I laugh at the movie Forrest Gump for all the wrong reasons.

Women stop complaining about periods once you are 20.  you have had enough years to get use to it.  if i was kicked in my man parts 5 to 7 days a month i would stop complaining and deal with after a few years.

your religion sucks too

stop hating on people who look different

most people look to retire at 65.  porn stars should start thinking about it a lot earlier!

there are way too many crayons.  damn box is more colorful than my clothes

horror movies blow for the most part

don't ever tell a woman something that you don't want her to tell another woman.  not possible

most women fake orgasms, just go with it and occasionally you might hit one out of the park

don't bring kids into bars, i will cuss loud on purpose

i want to be cremated because i hate dirt and bugs now

curse someone out occasionally, it makes you feel better

if you can't keep a plant from dying don't buy a dog

ketchup is overrated

i am way to much of a pansy to sky dive

i still don't know what's eating gilbert grape or whatever his name is

minority comedians can be racist and its accepted.  and i think the shit is hilarious

if you fall in public i am laughing at you, and i don't care how old you are

men and women stop burping out loud!  its nasty

and chew with your mouth closed!!

was anne frank's diary ever proof read or spell checked?

there are usually hot women at harris teeter

i want an old school starter jacket this winter or maybe a triple fat goose

alcohol is worse than the reefer and where the hell is dave chapelle?

my phone number was once wrote on  a bathroom stall and someone called me

girls don't go number 2...ever

maybe i should do nude modeling, i will have to lay off the beer first

i want a drink you can have the two step

evolution is correct or i will be a monkey...that makes no sense

ice cream is awesome!

beat your kids, grounding them doesn't do shit

cheerleaders should play volleyball at halftime of football games

i love vegetables

if you don't ask someone there name then you don't have to worry about not knowing it

i saw a guy put his finger down a girls pants 2 days ago, she almost whipped his arse and prob should've.

why do assholes always act up when something goes on down/uptown charlotte.  i stay my ass away from uptown because of it

i love freaks, they come out at night

out of time for now, be back real soon!!

Crazy, Nuts, Or just plain STUPID?!

I have refrained from blogging due to some personal and business issues that I am not going to discuss on here but figured I should write some shit down and clear my mind.  Here I go...

All the stuff I write about people in general being crazy and scandalous is absolutley true and I confirmed this once again or maybe two or three times since my last blog.  Hell I am part of the problem but it is so much fun that I continue to do it.  I have let my roomie in on some of the nutty shit that goes on and at first she didn't believe me until I showed her some of the evidence.  And yes I am beating around the bush to protect the guilty!  Bottom line do not ever trust anyone in a relationship and please know that if you are not handling your business (man or woman) someone else will!

To continue my rambling I will switch speeds and talk about something pleasent for once.  My friends are the SHIT!  The title of this blog explains me a little, I have come to face the fact that I am a little crazy and a little nuts but not stupid at all.  I am going off on a tangent to explain why my friends are the deuce by giving some more background info.  When I said in the past that I watch everything when out in public I am not shitting you.  I remember details of shit that I shouldn't remember, I know things about people that I shouldn't know, and I take it all in!  Since my last blog I have told a lady friend that I knew about her hooking up with a guy 4 years ago that I have never met.  Her response "how the fuck do you know that?"  I made a comment to another lady friend about her being allergic to latex.  I learned that about 10 years ago and her response "how do you remember stuff like that?"  I had a woman in Vegas tell me that if I could remember her phone number that she would "party with us" later.  After getting smashed at the pool I called her a few hrs later and then she ended up slapping me but thats another story.  I know females who don't like hats backwards, I know others who like beards and who don't and I always go around them when my appearance matches.  I may have went around Charlotte with a loaded weapon drunk as hell and thinking crazy shit and then again I may not have.  Now back to the subject at hand my friends.  They all know what is true and what is not and they hear the crazy shit that I think and they are still there and were there when I hit rock bottom.  Most of you think shit is a joke or that people are mostly calm and you are dead wrong.  The people that I am writing about right now know some of the madness that really goes on and they still come around and care about what happens to my monkey ass.

I told you I was rambling today so I am switching speeds again.  I have wrote about one person in detail on this blog and I have had people tell me not to do that and that she doesn't deserve my time and other stuff.  You know what?  Fuck that, I cut my phone off a few weeks ago and almost went crazy and she was there.  She had people telling her to stay away from me too because of my actions but when I need to talk to someone she is always there to listen.  So if people don't like it kiss my arse because you are not going to change my mind about this one.

Finally, for those of you who may be spooked a little I will let you in on a secret.  I haven't been able to sleep much in years but nothing can stop me.  I am a little OCD and I do not have one ounce of quit in me.  When I go down it will be a sight to see but it isn't coming any time soon!

This blog is probably in shambles but I feel better already!  Merry Christmas and Happy Hannukah (typo?)!!!

Oh Really Fool...

Yesterday a friend of mine says to me, "Jamie you make me feel good about myself."  I'm thinking bullshit what the hell are you talking about and what did I do wrong.  She then says, "sometimes I think I am crazy then I just think about you and I seem really normal."  Well slap me around and call Suzy!  (that is from a movie not taking a shot at anyone).  Then later yesterday one of my best friends tells me that some of our mutual friends are worried about me because of this blog and my actions.  I know and love both of these people but after these conversations I thought why not step this madness up a little?!  I have kept this about PG-13 until now...follow me!

For those of you who don't really want to believe or actually come to grips with what really goes on let me help you out.  Does shit really happen in strip clubs on occasion?!  Yep, think I am lying if you want to but I have seen it and even threw in money.  Once I was told by a dancer that I can't afford her.  My reply "you don't know what I can afford."  Her reply "for 1000 I will spend the night with you."  Hahaha, my rebutle "for 1000 you are staying for a week and my friends are coming over!"  Then you want to talk about a small world.  How about I met another dancer a couple of years later at a bachelor party and when I went to her house who the hell was her roommate?!  Yep, Ms. 1000 a night....

Next topic most of you probably don't think that brothels, gambling houses, private parties, etc. don't exist.  Think again, it isn't what you know it is who you know.  I'm nobody and I know enough shit to cause divorces all over this country.  I could tell women how their spouse, boyfriend or whatever cheats and how they hide it, where the money comes from and where it goes.  Guys don't be dumb either.  Women out here are doing the same things but they are usually way more clever than men.  I know people that can make people go away for the right price.  I know where to get drugs if I ever wanted them.  Let me make this clear though, I have never done a drug in my life,  I don't enjoy gambling, and I don't go to these places but you can bet your ass that they are a lot closer than you think.  I will leave that one alone to make sure someone doesn't hunt me down.

On to the next one.  You want to know how to hook up with girls in bars?!  It is real simple and again I am an average looking guy and you can believe it if you want to but here it is.  All you have to do is find one girl that works there that is attracted to you.  If you go in and pick one to hit on you may screw yourself.  So when you find the one that is interested in you hook up with her and she will tell at least one other girl there and then every damn person who works there will know.  Then if she had good things to say you move on to the next.   Here is another example of what really happens.  Two weeks ago I was out late at a bar where I have hooked up with girls.  I call a girl I dated in college and she stops by for a drink.  Her and I leave to join a birthday party uptown.  Once we get uptown I make out with another girl at the bar.  End of the night we all jump in a cab and I end up staying with a different girl.  Now you may think I am a pig or whatever but every damn one of those girls saw what was going on that night and they contributed.

I'm out of time right now but if you want crazy I have it.  To be continued...

and you thunk it>>>>

to hells with the games!  i know your girls middle name, and i love cabbage....

Shoe on the other foot?

3 Things...

There was a lot of crazy shit that went on last weekend but I have decided to save some of that for a rainy day and switch this blog up a little.  Here you go...

Currently and the last few years of my life I have come to realize that 3 things basically occupy most of my time and they are work, alcohol, and working out.  When I was younger there were other things that occupied my time such as sports and school but for the most part those are things of the past.  So I am going to focus on the three that I deal with now and kind of weigh the pros and cons of each.

Work:
For most of us this is a requirement or something that has to be done.  We all choose different paths.  For example I use to work a 9 to 5 and I have mixed feelings about it.  When I was at a small company I loved it;  I was young and we all worked together to make money.  I made a mistake and left that company for a huge corporation.  Now I am not going to slam corporations because I know Charlotte would not be anything remotely close to what it is today without a handful of companies but I could not stand working in that enviroment!  The amount of politics I had to deal with was complete bullshit and I truly believe for most middle to lower class people there is a glass ceiling.  There are exceptions and I will leave it at that to make sure I do not get my ass black balled from Charlotte.  Now I am self-employed and I love it.  But let me explain.  Until you take that step or plunge you have no damn clue of what it is really like.  The amount of stress is unreal sometimes and that 9 to 5 is long gone.  Not sleeping, eating, or seeing some people becomes the norm.  I have been on lots of dates but have yet to find some one who can deal with my work schedule.  I will answer my phone during a first date, I will leave your house at 4 or 5 in the morning, I will get out of your car and call a cab or walk before I go to far from my business.  Your employees really do not know what you sacrifice for them.  I have fallen asleep in at least 6 bars in Charlotte after long work weeks and a few drinks.  With all that said, America was built on people taking risks and taking chances but you better be a special kind of crazy before you do!

Next topic Alcohol:
Talk about a love, hate relationship!  Where do I begin with this one?!  I do enjoy alcohol but there are negatives involved as we all know.  First I truly believe that I am "wired" differently than most.  I have the ability to go to bars and not drink (it has been harder lately but still do able) but when I do drink there is none of this just a couple shit.  If I have one I am having 15.  The dumbest things that I have ever done in my life are related to alcohol.  I am not blaming it on alcohol or even saying that drinking is bad because I don't think so.  The dumb/crazy shit I have done is my fault and alcohol was the crutch I used as an excuse.  I have ruined multiple relationships, been injured, been in trouble, and almost killed as a by product but I still drink.  Some of you probabaly will read this and think I should quit...too bad.  I may slow down sometimes but there is a flip side to this.  I have an addictive personality so I have never and will never do drugs.  I don't even like taking tylenol or asprin.  Why do I mention that?!  Because alcohol helps me sleep sometimes it helps me forget about shit that I don't want to think about for a few hrs.  Yeah, yeah, I do face reality but occasionally I want a damn break!  Not to mention the magic it works in bars!

And finally there is working out or exercise:
Since high school I have always exercised at least a little (with the exception of my first year of college) and it actually has some of the same effects as alcohol.  I have always ran a little but a few years ago I really go into it and was knocking out about 30 to 40 miles weekly.  I learned that not only does this help your body but also your mind.  If I am by myself and running I can think with a clear mind and it also becomes a stress reliever.  But just like working and alcohol there are negatives.  I can become obsessive with this too and push myself extremely hard.  This is usually good but with the amount of injuries I have had in my life my damn body starts to hurt!  I have ran races limping due to knee pain but there was no way in hell I was going to stop.  I worked out when a neurosurgeon told me not to.  In my younger days I played football 3 weeks after tearing another knee ligament.

To wrap it up what have I learned while writing and thinking about this?!  The old saying is true, "too much of anything is not good for you."  I realize that too much work (too much for me would kill most!  ha) leads me to drink to relieve stress because I don't have the enerey to work out.  Too much alcohol leads me to do a lot of dumb shit and put my health at risk, which then effects my work and my ability to work out.  And if I decide to work out like a maniac I am again putting my health at risk which effects my work and my ability to get smashed on occasion.

So I guess I need to find out how to balance the 3 things...

Feedback

Since starting this blog I have had heard all kinds of things from friends, associates, etc.  Two of my boys ask if I needed a hug?  A lady friend said that she better not show up in here.  There are a few people that aren't talking to me.  There are some who are worried.  I had another friend tell me to keep on writing and that is what I am going to do!

Here are some random thoughts...

Over 200 people died in those storms across the South last night and that is terrible.  But why does it take a natural disaster, a war, or something that is so called "news worthy" to grab everyones attention?  People are dying every day from disease, famine, murder, old age and on a daily basis most of us don't give a damn unless it hits close to home.

I have put some of my ugliest, scariest, best, and worst thoughts on here but why can't we all share those?  I don't mean put it on the web like I do but how many can't tell anyone at all?  We all have things to hide including my nutty ass.  And why?  Most likely because we are scared to be judged or to loose someone or something.

How many times a day do you think about doing something different, taking a risk, chasing a dream, telling someone how you really feel, and then you don't do a thing?  What if you miss that opportunity, what if you look back and wonder what if, what if you loose someone and they never knew what they really meant to you?

Ethnocentrism....a lot of you know that this basically means that someone believes that their way of life is best or superior.  That isn't Webster's definition but you get the point.  I'm guilty of it.  I think we live in the best country in the world but how the hell would I know?  I have not lived in other countries.  How often do we judge other's lifestyles or beliefs?  We sit around and "people watch" just to make fun of their apperance and laugh about it.  I have made fun of people and talked about their appearance on this damn blog.  Want to really piss someone off?  Talk about their religion and tell them you think they are wrong.  But who really knows?!

If I put everything I have seen and been around on here I would shock the hell out of most of you.  I am just giving you the mild shit and mild thoughts.  I have been knocked down many times and have brought a lot of that on myself too but I always get back on my damn feet.  I have swallowed my pride and told someone how I feel.  I took a huge risk and I stress more than almost any of you know.  So before you give me the cold shoulder, write me off, or judge me...take a look in the rear view and see if you like the view.

I like V Necks!

There are certain rules that I have made up and try and live by.  Well someone decided to break one Saturday so now I am going to recap what happened.  Let us begin...

Saturday afternoon I stroll my happy ass back to my place of business to check on a few things and get a little work done.  One of my employees is almost laughing when she tells me someone left something for me.  I see a bag and what the hell is inside it?!  My damn t-shirt.  What kind of adult shows up at someones place of business with their clothes?!  Now from previous blogs I have admitted to doing some really stupid stuff at someones business.  Not going into details again but I have never showed up with clothes.  So this is what I am going to do.  How's about I tell everyone how she got it.

10pm Friday night Darkness (a friend of mine is "Darkness") shows up at my residence with a bottle of liquor.  Him and I listen to music, drink beer and start taking shots.  We call this pregaming!  This is when we plan our attack and it helps save money and people already look better when you get to your destination.  We hit up one of our usual spots and it is dead.  We then head to a hole in the wall spot where one of my friends bartends and start getting after it.  Now we are there for one reason and I told you before that reason is to hit on women.  There aren't that many in attendance so we head out and go to one more spot.  When I walk in I see a lovely woman that has rejected me in the past but who gives a shit I ask her if she is going to let me buy her a drink.  She knows me pretty well and knows I am full of shit so she laughs and says yes. 

Side note:  she agreed last year to have a drink with me but I ask her best friend out the same damn day without knowing they were friends!  I should have did some research first.  Back to Friday night...

Her and I are talking when Darkness walks up and ask if I saw the girl in brown and black.  I say no so of course he points her out and we are plotting again.  I do notice her friend looking at me so I know what has to be done.  I go introduce myself to the whole group.  The girl wearing the brown and black isn't the one I am after even though she is a lot more attractive.  I told you all in the past that we let the women choose the men and it worked like a mofo Friday night!  Darkness is getting tired and it is late so he tells me that he is out.  I say cool, be safe and hit me up tomorrow.  Back to the damn t-shirt queen!  So I don't get sued lets call her Irene.  Irene ask what I do for a living.  Which means how much money do I make.  But I play the game and tell her that I am a dish washer.  We keep the bullshit going for a while and she says where did your friend go?  I tell her that he already left and she ask if I need a ride home.  Jackpot!!  The damn t-shirt quenn drives a car that probably cost 50 or 60k and she informs me that she is a pharmicist and she is from a different country and does have an awesome accent.  I am giving details of Irene because she showed up at my place of business with that damn shirt!  We go inside and she ask me for my shirt, I said give me yours and you can have mine.  I will let you figure the rest out but what is the moral of this story?!  Well I don't have morals is one part of it and the other part is, yeah I really do like v necks but is one worth me putting your business on the web?!

I hope you enjoyed and remember everyone has skeletons in their closet but I have a mother f'ing graveyard in mine!

Cheers!!

Who Laid the Egg?!

I thought about giving my spill on Easter and how I really don't give a shit and then my mind started thinking about different things.  Put this puzzle together...

I think about her.  I have watched her sleep.  The only woman that has ever been close to me.  I know she reads this and may worry.  She knows I'm not crazy.  She knows I would give her my life if she needed it.  I know you may think i'm crazy.  Her friends probably tell her to stay away from me.  She probably listens to them.  She knows I am writing this with a few in me.  They don't really know me.  She/they have stuck their neck out for me.  I have fucked that up.  I know that there are few people that know me.  I know this may seem like a journal online. I know who I love.  I know that sadly if I don't love you then fuck you.  I know my nieces and nephew smiles are gorgeous.  I know they are too young to realize I let them down.  I know I am a fucking machine.  My lack of sleep and motive to work is going to kill me.  I know that this may bother you but it doesn't bother me.  I know I am not scared.  I know some of you may think I am reaching out. I know you are wrong, I just told you I am a fucking machine!  I know her friends really think I am bad for her after readinag that shit.  I know some of you worry.  I know I don't.  I know I looked into those eyes and saw a future.  I know that I was kidding myself.  I know a family scares me.  I know I am a selfish ass for writing this.  I know that I am scared of kids.  I know because I would have to put them first.  I know that some of you reading this will think I need a hug or text.  I know you are wrong.  I know what I am doing.  I know this shit is free for the world to see.  I know I don't give a fuck.  And I know that everyone has an opinion.  I know that most of you wouldn't air your dirty laundry and then again  I know none of you are me.

Dirty Martini!

It has been brought to my attention through feedback that some people may not think all of this blog is true or accurate.  Well, well, enjoy this fun filled adventure.

I may have broken a finger and still not know how I did it.

I may have swallowed a top to a beer bottle while playing a drinking game.  I may have ate a lot of fast food to wash it down so i didn't choke to death in my sleep.  I may have had an allergic reaction to the metal and went to the emergency room.  I may have witnessed doctors and nurses laugh at me when the x-ray showed the cap in my belly.  I may have been scared to go to the bathroom for a week.

I may have been jumped on by a few people while uptown.  I may have decided that the fight wasn't over.  I may have been drug by a car that they were driving.  I may have been bleeding.  I might of went to my lady friends house and bled everywhere until i was bandaged up.  I might have been stuck on band aid cause band aid was stuck on me.

I may have had a gun put really close to my face because I was running my mouth to the wrong people.  I may have shut the hell up...quickly.

My forehead may have met some brick steps on my 24th birthday.  I may have used a band aid again that night.  I might have stumbled into a girls room while bleeding because i thought it was a bathroom.  She may have been scared shitless and maybe she is my friend now.

I may have feel into another girls closet.  I might be glad that she had a lot of clothes to break my fall.

I might have ran my car off the road while trying to make it to a party.  I may have ran over a sign and ripped my damn fender off.  I may have slept in my car and friends cars on multiple occasions.  I may have done it once because i couldn't find the house key.  i may have found that key the next day in my pocket.

I may have told a woman on vacation something really mean.  She may have said that I was going to meet Jesus before the trip was over.  I might have said if you don't leave me the fuck alone you and your kids are going to meet him tonight.  I may have met the security team and had my photo placed in the office.

I may have some head trauma and I might not remember exactly what happened or any of it.

I may have been going on a first date and when i went to pull my car keys out i may have dropped a condom on her foot.  I might have used it later.

I might have made a girl take a morning after pill at the bar in front of my friends because i didn't trust her.  She might not speak to me anymore.

I might not know her name.  She might not be the only one.

I may have been kicked out of a lot of bars in Charlotte.  I may have peed in a fire place in the middle of a bar on a saturday night.  I might have told the bouncer that i would leave once i was done.  I might have gotten my ass grabbed by a man.  I may have comtemplated throwing him down a flight of steps but decided that i didn't like jail that much.

I may have fled the scene a few times (you get no details on this one).

I might have told her that if she didn't stop talking that i was going to drive this car off a fucking bridge.  Her little sister in the back seat may not have liked that comment.

This might only be the tip of the iceberg.

I may have a dirty martini this saturday and write about sunday!

Stress!!!

Sometimes I like to write just random crazy shit that has happened in my life and occasionally I like to write about life in general.  It is almost like I take my pants off and put a skirt on but it helps me cope so kiss my arse if you don't like it.

Here we go with the topic at hand of "stress!"  What causes stress in my life?  A lot of shit!!  I am always stressed when it comes to business.  Now I do have one rule on this blog and that is I will not bring up my business or involve it in this madness!  The only thing I will say is that I have had to make some of the hardest decisions of my life since owning a business.  But it is kind of like being a captain on a ship, I have to keep my chin up and try and make shit happen no matter what!

Next matter is personal stress.  There are a few things that relate to this and the biggest is fear of failure.  I have became very good at putting mind over matter but there is a dark side to that too.  I can become obsessive.  Not serial killer or crazy ass rapist obsessive but when I really want something I can not give up on it.  I was once told by a friend that I do not have a "yellow light" in my life.  She was exactly right, it is either stop or go!  Here are some examples of me going ape shit and obsessing.

College...A lot of people don't know that I was actually kicked out of school once.  I had to work and pay bills and also I was drinking like a damn fish.  We are going to keep this shit honest so there you go.  What did I do?  One day I decided to go back and it was on.  12 hrs of summer school 4 A's later and after begging and begging I was let back into school on probation.  I knocked out 57 credit hrs in three semesters while working about 50 hrs a week.  I lost weight, have myself an ulcer, threw up blood for a couple of days and lost touch with a lot of people.  But I got that damn piece of paper (maybe I should frame that joker?)!!

Now you know I can't blog without saying something about women!  They make the damn world go around and I love you all!  Hell I like you so much that I got a picture of a woman tattooed on my thigh!  She is with me at all times and she hearts me (i said "hearts" ,haha).  I have to be careful about what I say because I am surprised at who actually reads all this crap.  I have been blindsided by a woman once in my illustrious career and it hurt like a son of a bitch!  Before I get my ass in to too much trouble I will just say this.  Besides prom and funerals I can not remember buying flowers.  There is an exception though.  I bought so many damn flowers for someone that you would think that I robbed a fucking botanical garden.  I can't even smell the damn things!  My friend took a damn picture for proff!  They were different colors and I even wrote shit on the damn card!  I thought I studied whoreticulture not horticulture (talking about me not her).  I even bought a damn fruit flower!  You should have saw this thing, pineapples, strawberries, grapes, there may have been a fucking nectarine in there for all I know!  A fruit buying a fruit flower (I just threw my man card in the trash)!  Why did I do this?  Because I was stressed out and had made my mind up that I wanted something.  I want the vase that they came in back!  haha

Ummm, I have to get back to work and get some shit done.  The last thing that stresses me is a broken condom!

Haha, talk to you all soon!  Cheers!!

Man Law/Guy Code!

Ladies and Gentlemen I am going to give this one away for free.  This is the strict law that men are supposed to live by but a lot of them have a problem following "Man Law."  We call these men...bitches!  Let's get right into this one!

First Law:
You have to be a wingman no matter what!  I have touched on this one in an earlier blog but wanted to clarify.  If a group of guys are out and there is one or two girls fucking up the whole night someone in the group has to step up.  I don't care if you're married or single but someone has to entertain.  If you have to make balloon animals or juggle so be it!  I always give examples so here is a vague one.  I'm not going to get detailed to protect the innocent but I had a friend hook up with the most unattractive girl I have ever seen.  I know it is differnet strokes for different folks but I swear this girl shaves with a fucking steak knife.  I mean  I got drunk and threw kitty litter at her.  With that being said, he steeped up and took one for the team!

2nd Law:
This one is very simple but overlooked way too often.  A girl once asked me how us guys decide who is going to hit on or try to pick the so called "hot" girl in a group setting.  When you're younger you may not have enough experience to handle this but the answer is easy.  We don't!!  You always let the girls decide.  You feel out the situation and the women will gravitate towards the guy they like eventually.  You win some and you loose some on an individual level but the team always wins!

3rd Law:
You would think this one was a given but hells no it is not!  You never cock block!!  I shouldn't have to explain this one.  If you like a girl but she is throwing at one of your friends swallow your pride buy the two of them a drink and keep it moving.

4th Law:
This is the most important one on this list!  You never and I mean never tell on a man for cheating!  I do not care if someone steals your wife and then cheats on her with your sister!  You keep your mouth shut!!  You may think I am kidding but I am not.  I would lie to Jesus on Christmas to keep a friend out of trouble.  Let me give you an example on this one.  I was with a friend at a bar/club a few years ago here in Charlotte.  We were sitting at a "L" shaped booth.  I was on the end, then girl, my friend, girl.  My friend is basically stuck in the middle.  Up walks his girlfriend and her roommate while he has his arm around this girl.  She starts going off I jump up and he says "Baby calm down."  That doesn't work of course and she is still yelling crazy shit.  He then says, "I just met these bitches and they ask us to sit down."  Then the girl sitting chimes in "What you slept with me last night!"  Now I have to get involved and start saying that these broads are lying we don't know them, yada, yada, yada.  Now his girl knew we were lying but just like O.J. they couldn't prove shit!

This isn't the full list but just the highlights!!  Cheers...

Pull The Race Card?!

The other day was the 150th anniversary of the start of the Civil War.  Although the Civil War was said (our history books, so who knows the truth?) to be fought to unite the union and not to end slavery I still figured I would write about the topic of racism.  So let us fast forward to society now and check our progress.

First, is racism still alive and kicking?!  This is actually a stupid question because we all know it is.  Do I consider myself racist?  Not at all but you may think different of me (I don't know and don't care if you do).  Have I ever made racist jokes about all different kinds of people and cultures including my own?  Hells yeah, I use the term "cracker" on a daily basis.  Now before you start writing me off as a bigot or fool let me go over a couple of things.

Will I ride in a car with someone who is African American in certain areas of Charlotte at night?  Nope, because we are probably going to get pulled and they are going to be looking for drugs or either a white girl in the trunk.  Either way not worth it.  Have almost all of you made a derogatory remark about someone who you perceive as "mexican" (just because they are latin does not mean they are mexican) because of immigration issues in Charlotte?  Do not forget that I am from the South Blvd area so do not bullshit a bullshiter.  Is it acceptable for an African American comedian to make fun of white people or use derogatory language?  Hell yeah, and I laugh about it.  Don't believe me, Chris Rock is one of my favorite comedians but I swear he uses cracker more than me.  On a side note and a different topic...some of use crackers can end those penis jokes, just saying.

Now that we have the fun part out of the way if you can take a damn joke.  I have been insulted because I am white.  I have an African American friend who is looked down on by others because he hangs out with "white boys."  You really want to see someone get mad?  This is what you do if you are a white male.  Put some real preppy shit on and take an African American girl out to a place where you are the minority not her.  Watch what happens.  On the other side of the coin, if you are African American there are places that you can take a white girl and the same shit will happen.  Again, none of this bothers me put I am just showing how shit still is.  I have a friend from a different ethnicity that absolutley hates another group of people.  I am not going to name which two groups but he will leave the damn room if he encounters someone from that race.  I don't judge him or anyone else for their beliefs as long as they don't get violent.

The last point I will make since I brought violence up.  How many of you labeled or placed judgement on Musslims and or people from the Middle East after 9/11?!  Think about it...

Once Upon A Time...

As a child everyone had very high expectaions of me.  I was always very intelligent and I really haven't met anyone that can learn faster than me.  And yeah I'm cocky for saying that about myself but this is about what I really think.  I have always wanted to be very successful and rich and have fucked up a lot of relationships and kicked myself in the ass because of the way I think.  Here is how it unfolds...

As a teen I was a little shy around women and all that has changed.  I mention women again in this blog because I have used a lot of them and basically made them my scapegoats.  Am I a coward, an asshole, and should I probably be ashamed of myself for some of the things I have done?!  Hell yeah, I am all of the above but I am not ashamed.  I have molded myself into this and now I'm sharing it.  How does money and being rich relate?  This is how:

My dreams haven't been fulfilled and I felt like a relationship or even a girlfriend would slow me down.  I dated a girl in college and she called me one night and told me how much of an asshole I am and that I only cared about money.  I laughed and told her I hope she feels better about herself.  I'm not bragging I am a prick for doing that and thankfully she is still my friend. 

I once kicked one of best friends out of my house while she was balling her eyes out because we were arguing.  I'm not completely at fault but I took the shit too far as always.

I didn't see my mother in the hospital because I was too busy working and thinking that I had to make money.  I didn't flinch at her funeral and very few people have ever seen me emotional.  But what if I were to walk into my boss and my mentors office a few months later crying like a damn kid because I felt guilty and at that point didn't give a fuck about money.  What if my dreams about money sometimes change and I dream about her saying my name.

What if I once slapped a girl at a party because she slapped me at my apartment?!  What kind of fucking prick does that?!

What if I have cussed many women out in bars?  What if after one of those occasions when I sobered up and found that she was upset that I had to pull over because I had tears in my eyes?

What if I have prided myself on not apologizing to women (a couple exceptions)?!

I still have the dreams I had as a kid but now I have nightmares about some of my actions...hardest shit I have ever wrote.

So hear is my apology...

Sorry

A Day Off?! And my random messed up thoughts!

I planned on taking the whole day off yesterday.  A Saturday off, sleep in, bday party, beer, chase women, liquor is basically what I was thinking I was going to do.  Here is how it actually went.

Friday night I take off and me and a couple of the guys head out.  We decide to go to an area of Charlotte where we shouldn't run into too many people we know.  We start drinking and bar hopping.  That beer turns into liquor, turns into shots and the stupid shit has begun.  What do you know there is a hot bartender!  Lets hit on her for a minute and see if we make any progress.  No progress, lets get the hell out of here and check out some spots we know.  So we relocate my ass is exhausted one of my buddies is asleep in the car already.  I have had enough time to cab it home and sleep.

Saturday is here!  I get to sleep in for once but do I?  Hells no, I am up at 745 thinking about work and about maybe showing up.  Instead I watch tv for an hour or two and get moving.  Shower and make a phone call.  Next stop brunch.  We decide that we don't want breakfast so we start drinking while we wait for lunch.  Great 1030 and I am drinking.  Female bartenders (why do I always date, and hit on bartenders) serving me beer, time to hit on them.  One tells us that she wants to have sex with another girl just one time and the other rejects me with a smile on her face.  I assure them both that I will be back.

Ok, I am now six beers deep and decide to stop at my usual watering hole.  As we pull in I see a familar car and pretend like it bothers me.  I know, my friends know, everyone knows that it is bullshit.  It actually puts a smile on my face.  Grab one of my usual seats and start my usual talk of non sense.  She knows more about me than anyone walking this earth.  Why the fuck did I let me guard down?!  She may read this and think I crazy, maybe I am?  But then again maybe everyone else is.  I am determined not to make an ass out of myself, where the hell are the shots?!  I'm buzzed now and my buddy leaves I stay and continue to get after it. 

I start thinking how the hell am I going to get to the bday party?  Shit, I start making calls and no ride, give me another shot.  Damn, the red light on my phone is going off and it is a text about work.  Get my tab, call a cab and I'm out the door.  Back to work I'm going to miss the party.  I am bad family member and uncle, I chase money before anything.  I use it as a fucking excuse because I don't know how to stop. I will die trying to get rich, I don't lose, I don't ever give up.

Got everything done at work, and I am back out the door.  Next bar, more shots and then to a concert.  I leave the concert and head back to my usual bar and start bullshiting with another girl. 

ALARM goes off!  How the hell did I get home?  I am by myself and I realize that this is how I am going to be until I die.  I came to peace with it a long time ago.  Check my phone and there is a new number and some random late nigh text.  Enough of this for now, back to work so I can a dollar!

You want a blog via text fri night?!

Am I going to Regret This One...Probably Not!

It took me a long time  to decide to do this blog because I said if I do it I am going to be honest and not hold back.  Already a couple of my friends have called me out for holding back on the shit I normally say and normally think...so here goes!

The bar/club scene:

First thing first, straight men go to bars and clubs for one reason and it is women.  Everyone cut the bullshit, we may go to watch a game but every commercial break, halftime, and before and after the game I am looking for women and usually the ones who are drinking.  If there aren't many at in the bar I start looking at the staff.  Almost everything I do in a bar is calculated.  I mean from my clothes, my hair, who I am with, where I sit (if I have an option) all the way down to who I talk to.  Before I get too deep into this let me say that I have been rejected many, many times but I really don't care because I always learn from it.  But I have also been successful.  Here are some examples of things that I have done or witnessed.

Some things are very subtle like asking for a cigarette from a girl that is smoking when I have never smoked in my life.  I have been involved in bets to see who could get the least attractive person from a bar.  I have went to bars with the intention to hook up with someone's coworker just to piss them off or prove a point.  I once met a girl that was drinking at a bar to find out that she was in town to buy a prom dress?!  What did I do...hit on her older sister.  I have locked people out of my house at 4 in the morning because of their attitude or lack of personality.  I have paid drunk friends to make out with unattractive people at bars just to laugh.  I have done the walk of shame without pants.  I have taken my clothes off at a bar more than once just for fun.  I could do this for days but I do have a point to prove before I am judged.

The point is this, almost everyone is at a bar or club for the same reasons!  They may not be as involved as some of that shit but it is the same mentality.  Don't believe me?  How many of you reading have seen someone out that you found very attractive and haven't left with them?  You can lie to your friends, bf's, and gf's but I know this applies to most of you.  The most common reason that a female will not leave with someone that they are very attracted to isn't relationships or marriage.  It is a very sober and/or very unattractive girlfriend who is out to ruin everyones night!  She says that she "is looking out for her girl."  Or some other BS along those lines.

My final piece of info on this rant is about buying drinks.  I have never bought a female that I don't know a drink for any other reason than to hook up.  I look better when you drink more and vice versa.  Females that you don't know don't ask you for a drink unless they think you are a d bag.  I buy wingmen and friends drinks when they have to take care or distract that girlfriend of yours that "is looking out for her girl!"  Actually I have gotten drunk for free many times because I had to talk to her!

I hope you enjoy, and again don't judge until you look in the mirror!

Cheers!!

Government Shut Down?!

I started a blog so I might as well keep at it!

So I have been reading and trying to educate myself on exactly what this means.  Here is what I have learned so far.  If these assholes in D.C. can't come to an agreement by Saturday some people will suffer.  National parks will close, tax audits will be delayed (not a bad thing) and income tax returns on paper will probably be delayed also.  But the biggest slap in the face in that military personnel and their famalies will only receive one weeks pay on their next check instead of two.

Now none of this is the end of the world, but we are dealing with jackasses (in both parties) that can basically come to a decision to bomb other countries very quickly but can't agree on a budget?!  So, we will risk lives but not pay the people who are risking their asses to protect us?!

Solution:  Hire some professors from Harvard, MIT, or even give me a damn week or so off and I can get you some numbers.  But stop crying about a budget that doesn't effect the over paid and happy in D.C.

That is all I have time for now...cheers!

Relationships and lack there of...

I have been putting off doing a blog for sometime but finally pulled the trigger.  I plan to be brutally honest and probably offend some people.  Keep reading if you like but you have been warned!!

I have been single since high school and have enjoyed it for the most part but along the way I have seen the good, the bad, and the ugly for damn sure.  So first thing first majority of relationships do not and will not last.  Are there exceptions?  Of course there are, but from what I have seen they are few and far between.  There is also a misconception that men cheat more (in heterosexual relationships) than women.  Let me tell you that this can be complete BS.  Women are just better at it and we will believe almost anything they tell us.  In no way am I scorned or knocking women I'm just going off things that I have witnessed.  Hell I don't even care if they do because I have been the guilty third party more than once.

Now the good:  I have friends that have been completely faithful and have had long relationships and are truly in love.  Couldn't be happier for them (but statistics show that all of these will not last)!

Now the bad:  Getting a phone call from someone's husband when I was much younger.  Glad I'm alive!

Now the ugly:  I don't remember her name and it was college!  Just kidding, some people consider me to be ugly and I'm fine with that!

Feel free to leave opinions and comments.  I'm just warming up so get ready for the next one...