How's the water?

I gave my blog/journal/craziness a break on purpose.  For those of you looking for something real random or a pissed off rant sorry I do not have anything for you today but we do need to catch up on a few things so let's go!

I spent a few months this year feel real sorry for myself.  I felt like I had really bad luck and I placed a lot of blame for how my life was and is on other people and situations.  I finally hit rock bottom and when I finally opened my eyes I realized that I am the luckiest person in the world.  Let me explain...

There are some events in life that I will never forget and watching my grandmothers face at my moms funeral is one of them.  I have never wrote about my mother or what happened to her and my stepfather but I have nothing left to hide.  Six years later and I still cry on a monthly basis when I am alone.  Some of my friends have never seen me upset then it happened.

A few months ago the day after I closed my restaurant I broke down and starting crying at a bar in the middle of the afternoon in front of about 10 of my friends.  I think everything finally came to a head and I lost it.  Of course I thought about money but that wasn't what upset me.  I had just put 10 people out of work some of those people are my friends who were there for me and watched me grow up.  I thought what if my mother was alive and saw me as a failure?  I thought how can my friends look at me the same?  I thought how can I face my family and all the people who believed in me?  Then a month or so ago I finally realized how damn lucky I was to be at that table crying.

When I walked away my frineds didn't laugh or make jokes they were concerned about me.  I should have wiped those tears away and took a look around.  I am lucky to have that many friends that care about me.  I am lucky to have had a mother and stepfather that loved me.  I am lucky to have loved people that much.  I am lucky to have a father, stepmother, brothers and sisters and the rest of my family and friends in my corner.  I am lucky to have owned a restaurant at 28.

So here is the verdict.  I am happier right now than I have ever been.  I still like money but I don't love it anymore.  I don't need to be flashly, I don't need a lot of women anymore.  I need to work on being a better son, brother, uncle, godfather, and friend.  I am not mad at anyone or anything anymore.  I wish everyone the best and I hope they are doing what really makes them happy.  With all that being said I do have to get one thing straight.

There are people who have doubted me in the past and that still doubt me.  When people didn't think I could work 50 hrs a week and get my degree I did it.  When I said I would own a restaurant I did it.  When I say I will be back I am doing it!  When I work out I think about you, when I am up at night I think about you, when I am tired at work I think about you.  So thank you very much, you are the fuel in my fire!!

So how is the water?  It is cold and I do go off the deep end a few months ago but I am pretty good swimmer!  Cheers I love you all!!