Children's Story

Once upon a time there was a man named Jamie.  Jamie lived with his dear friend Aleah.  Jamie was always fond of dogs but Aleah absolutley loved them.  She had a female dog named Emma and a smaller male dog named Sammy Pickles.  They all lived in a house together.  One day Aleah came home with a new puppy and named her UNO!

Uno was a very pretty dog but she used to be owned by some bad people (maybe football players). These people taught Uno to not play nice with other dogs.

One dark rainy day Jamie tried to get Emma and Sammy Pickles to go into another room so that Uno could come out and get some exercise.  Sammy Pickles was tired and decided he didn't want to leave the couch so he tried to bite Jamie on his hand.  Thankfully Sammy Pickles missed and Jamie didn't have to prove that all dogs do go to heaven. 

Jamie came up with a new plan he would just put Uno of her leash and walk her out of the house so she could play with her toys in the yard.  Jamie sprang into action!  He was home alone so the only thing Jamie was wearing were pajama pants.  No shirt, no socks, no shoes, not even underoos!  Jamie put pretty Uno on her leash and the two of them started making  their way through their home when Sammy Pickles made his second mistake of the day! Sammy Pickles decided he wanted to argue with Uno.  This was a bad idea!  Jamie knew that Uno was a very good at arguing and Jamie also knew if Aleah came home to two dogs instead of three that he would be homeless.

Jamie made another great decision and got Uno out the house as soon as possible.  Since Jamie was in a panic he closed the door behind him and soon realized that he locked him self out!  Jamie's keys and phone were on the coffee table.  This made Jamie sad!  He was outside in November almost completely naked with a puppy that doesn't play nice with other puppies.  But wait, there was one positive!  If Jamie or Uno needed water they were sure to have plenty since there were so many rain clouds in the sky! 

Jamie had another decision to make?!  He could walk to a phone but was worried that Mr. Police Offer may have a problem with his clothing (or lack of).  He also knew that if Aleah came home and unknowingly opened the door that Sammy Pickles was going to have a very bad if Uno got to her first.  Jamie decided he would stay in the yard and play with Uno.  While throwing the ball Jamie felt something on his foot!  He looked down and he was standing where Uno went to the bathroom the day before!  But there were no worries because it was raining hard enough to wash it off!

After 3.5 hours of playing with Uno Aleah was home and Jamie could go back inside!  When Aleah asked Jamie if he had any visitors he replied I sure did and her name was Karma!

The End

Pass the stuffing!

Sooo, tomorrow we get fat and give thanks!  Well, I might as well give thanks a day in advance...

Thanks to the Charlotte Observer!  My blog isn't that bad compared to your shitty articles.

Thanks to you Mr. President(s)!  It is because of you Mr. Clinton, Bush, and Obama that my debt isn't bad at all compared to the U.S.!  Don't believe me?  Ask Standard and Poors.

Thanks to you NBA!  I live in North Carolina and we don't really give a shit about you anyway.  College basketball is all that matters here!

Thanks to all those old women on that sorry ass show The View!  Tomorrow when I think I can't eat one more piece of pie I will think of you and force it down.

Thanks to some not all of the Penn State students for rioting!  You showed the rest us what a real gaggle of idiots look like!  Morons...

No thanks to the U.S. Justice system!  Why the hell is this perv Sandusky not dead or in jail?  Yeah, I know I'm beating a dead horse but seriously?!

Thanks to you turkeys!  You aren't even close to being as tasty as a chicken but you still get slaughtered this time of year so us men can fight over one of your legs!

Thanks to you 104.7 for starting your X-Mas music so early!  I mean I want to hear this shit all year, can you please play it on the 4th too?!

Thanks to P.E.T.A.!  I guess you weirdos just chalk Thanksgiving up as a loss every year.

Thanks to you pilgrims!  How do you get a holiday for killing the people who saved your arse?!  Oh yeah, you're European and killed people of color, that never happens.  Yeah, I said it!

Thanks to you Wal-Mart!  If I am feeling real poor I cheat on Target and come see you!

Thanks to you Bartender!  You make everybody more interesting and attractive...especially me!

Thanks to you China!  I love your food...that's all.


Seriously, thanks to all my friends and family for dealing w me and everything that comes along with that job!  I love you all and I truly am thankful!